Resting.

The last week of July always brings me many mixed emotions. On the one hand, I'm struggling to cling to the last few, precious weeks of summer that I have left with my little man at home. We're squeezing in as many pool days, museum visits, picnic lunches, and afternoon snuggles as we can before I have to go back to work. On the other hand, this is the time when the itch begins. Most teachers know the itch. The one that makes you linger for a moment (longer than usual) at the Post-It notes in Target, or take a second glance at those cute, yet sensible, closed-toed flats that look like they wouldn't make you hate your life at 3:30 in the afternoon. It's the same one that makes you think that the success of your year will be determined by your ability to color coordinate your bulletin boards, curtains, and desk accessories. The back-to-school itch is alive and well in me, especially the last week of July.

I've visited my room for the first time and spent a few hours piddling around with this and that. Most of the time I don't get much accomplished in a few hours span but it makes me feel good to be in the space again. I start to feel accustomed to being there, and it's weirdly like nesting for a baby. 

With the new year coming I felt it was only appropriate to look back at the end of my last year to see what I should take with me and what I should leave behind. I wrapped up my last school year in such a fury I hardly remember where anything is or what day it was when I walked out of school for the last time. All I remember thinking was, "I'm so done." I fully anticipated having to come back and clean out my room because I was looking for another job. I spent more than half my summer going to interviews, call-backs, video-chats, and conferences all in the hopes that I would find the place I was supposed to be. Even my boss thought I'd be leaving, I'm pretty sure. But, here we are in August and here I am again. 

The last few weeks, especially after the fourth call-back interview and the fourth 'We're sure you have a successful career ahead of you', I decided to unplug. I quit checking for job postings. I quit participating in Twitter chats. I even turned the notifications off on my phone (whaaaaat?) I just felt that I had been searching so hard for something new that I needed to give myself time to see what really was. I needed time to reflect on where I am and where I'll be for the year. For so many months I had given myself an agenda: Find a new job, make yourself known, participate and speak at all the things so people will know who you are and think you are important. I was exhausted.

After a month free of 'Chirp!'s and my search history consisting of recipes and Pinterest ideas instead of job openings and positions, I just feel better. I feel lighter. I feel like the burden I placed on myself never needed to be as heavy as it was. I still have followers on Twitter, as weird as it is to worry about such a thing. I still have significant knowledge to share about my passions in education. I still have aspirations greater than my situation. None of those things disappeared because I took myself out of fifth gear and just let myself idle for a little while. 

All of this comes to a head because I know so many incredibly talented people who are also getting ready to start another school year. I have some really crazy smart friends, y'all. So many of you are wrapped up in phenomenal work professionally and personally, and your goals are the things of this girls' dreams. You grind so hard day in and day out, and I aspire to have the determination and tenacity that you have. But, not that you need it because most of you are way smarter than I am, I just wanted to throw it out there that the grind is exhausting. And it's ok to admit that. It's ok to take a break and just be. Resting, for a long time, was a dirty word to me. I felt like if I was resting then I was moving backwards. But resting doesn't mean you stop. It can mean observing, reflecting, and planning for the road ahead.  It's so hard for so many of us to quit pushing and reaching, but sometimes I think that break from pushing gives us the strength we need to finally grasp what we're reaching for.

I'm looking forward to a little less reaching and a little more resting this school year. My sincerest wish for each and every one of my edu-awesome friends is that your year is every thing you hope it to be and more. My goals are to be more in the moment and less-looking ahead. No matter what your goals are for the upcoming year, I have the utmost faith and love for you all. Here we go again!